Sri Lanka and Me

Here is a poem I had to write for my ENG 400 class. Now, let me be clear, I am not a poet. However, I like what this is about and it's not nails-on-the-chalk-board-awful, so I would like to share it with you:

Sri Lanka and Me

I don’t realize that, of course,
It all had to come from somewhere,
An overwhelming thought.

Before they ever came to me,
These two legs
Traveled the world:

A vibrant mind translates to
Lead smudges and eraser shavings.
Artist strokes give them shape.

Raw hands gather fluffy living snow that
Doesn’t melt as the sun’s oven
Bakes earth, sweat, and song

Silver teeth flash
They lace a web around nimble fingers who
Know how to avoid the bite.

Bare feet replicate one motion
On the pedal to fashion a piece.
Each a source of life to the ones she treasures.

The bellies of planes, trains, and automobiles
Fill with heaps of denim.
Voices shout, ears follow, and directions flow.

Arms lift one pair to the shelf and I lift it off again.
All the threads meet as if by design.
I read made in Sri Lanka
But my eyes remain blind.

Slow burning coals...

I've had a lot to say lately but I've had zero time to say it!

I have a bit of stolen time today though, so I want to talk about something that's kicking around in my head today.

What does it mean to choose joy?

And how do we encourage one another to do so?

I think that joy is different than happiness. When you feel joy it's much more than happiness. It's strong, overflowing, passionate, and life giving. Sometimes that joy is a blazing hot bonfire and sometimes that joy is slow burning coals deep in the heart. But joy is so strong that it never truely dies. It's always there.

And joy is independent of circumstances. That is why joy, like love, is a choice. It is right to choose joy because joy reflects a belief in what is true. God is good and He loves us. God is strong and victorious. He is here and He is bringing us back to Him. These things are the true foundation of joy.

However, when my face is lying in the dirt and my heart has turned to jello, choosing joy seems impossible. When it's that bad nothing I can do or think can make me feel better. And that makes me feel angry and like I'm failing to choose joy. It also makes me feel guilty because I'm acting ungrateful for who God is. So if someone comes up to me and says "You just need to choose joy" it actually makes it worse. I just want to yell "I can't!"

In those hours of darkness though, God has gently led me to seek His face despite whether I feel like doing it or not. He leads me to pour my heart out to Him in prayer, to discover His promises in Scripture, to praise Him, to ask for what I need, to list things I am thankful for, to pour love into others, and to just get up in the morning and eat breakfast. I do all these things when I don't want to and when I don't feel like any of it is true or worth it. In those times feeling the joy has always taken a long time to come. But each time I have eventually been restored to the point of feeling the joy.

A friend of mine who is very wise about the nature of joy told me "Sometimes you have to do what's right and true until you feel it. Keep pressing in and then the feeling and understanding will come." That's what I think it means to choose joy. To do things that pursue joy and truth until the joy breaks through. This means I can choose to pursue joy in the midst of depression and eventually that joy will defeat the depression. Even if my circumstances are terrible, they don't have to change for joy to fill my life.

This is why I can say that, for me, college has been a time of immense suffering and a time of incredible joy.

So, I will continue to remain dependent on God, press in, and pursue joy even when I don't feel it. I will encourage others to follow the gentle lead of God and do the same. And it will bring breakthrough and victory! :)