So after all that there was still one more full day left!
Friday, we spent learning about Moseses (Mosi? Mosen?) and Joshuas. Joshua was sort of Moses' apprentice. When Moses lead the Isrealites, Joshua followed him around and learned what to do. As a result, after Moses' death when Joshua became leader of the Isrealites, Joshua was a certain kind of leader because of the lessons he'd learned from Moses.
As we studied Joshua, I saw how different he and his generation were from Moses and the Isrealites of Moses' generation. In his "burning bush moment" right before the defeat of Jericho, Joshua doesn't hesitate in saying yes. Also, the people follow his crazy intructions about marching around Jericho without any recorded complaining. It was also Joshua's generation that got to taste the fruit of the Promise Land. They got to be a part of God fulfilling His promise.
Lately, I've been having conversations with people my age about how I feel that our generation is different from our parent's generation. I've met so many people from my generation who came from nominally Christian homes. Their parents have lived somewhere between quiet and fake Christian lives. But God is calling them as students to radical sacraficial lives to change the world in big ways. And they are saying yes. I saw my generation in the story of Joshua's generation.
We have tasted the fruit of the Promised Land and we can never go back.
As I was thinking about it, that made me realize that I think my mom has been a Moses in my life. She comes from the generation before me. She is the one who is largely responsible for my becoming a Christian at a young age, the one who taught me out to study Scripture, and (in her own way) the one who has supported my choices to sacrafice my whole life to follow after Jesus. She told me once that she has always believed that my life was meant for something radically significant and special. However, I want so much more than the life my mom has had: if I get married and have a family I want God to be at the center of that and I want to see the world change. This was a cool realization for me, because I've been frustrated with feeling like my gratefulness for and discontent with my family's spritual influence were irreconcilable. Turns out they both fit perfectly together in the example of Moses and Joshua. I have peace now in thanking my mom for how much value she's had in my life and running after something even greater.
This week also meant a lot to me because I got to see a lot of my "Joshua's" really step up and take on the challenge of saying yes to God. I was so proud of all of them!! And I just can't express how much it meant to me to see the fruit of the time and effort I've poured into their lives over the past four years. And I feel like I'm leaving the chapter in more than good hands. I have confidence that they will even surpass what was done in my time, which is exactly what I want. The joy of that gave me so much fuel to move forward.
Overall, everthing just gave me a sense of completion. Everything had ended so well and has all been handed off. Steven gave me the honor of praying over the Ebenezer rocks on our last morning, and it just felt like I was sealing my time as a student in Intervarsity. The old has been completed and I have been equipped with what I need for the new to begin.
If this is how it started how will it end up? :)
The time has come to dream again.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Pillar of Cloud
The sense of anticipation for what God was up to only continued to grow as the week progressed.
In my past experiences with camp, conferences, or even missions trips it takes half the time to press in before anything really significant happens. Usually, stuff that's in the way has to be broken down or people's hearts have to be prepared before they're ready to let God enter in and and move among them.
Not this time.
We steeped in the life of Moses for the week, studying Exodus 3-4:20, Exodus 33, Numbers 11, and Joshua 5:10-6:20. The central question was: Will you change the world?
Aslan was one the move from the beginning. Before the end of the first full day of camp I was already having conversations with people who were telling me about what God was teaching them or calling them to. On Wednesday night we prayed together as a chapter for the NAU campus. I heard both upper and underclassmen pray big, bold, strong prayers for our campus. I coud feel God's presence in the room with us. I kept thinking, "If this is how it starts, what is gonna happen by the end?"
The weather that week was freezing and a couple times we got a layer of snow. Most days though camp was just covered in dense fog and mist. As we were studying Exodus, I couldn't help but think it was if God had come down in a pillar of cloud to meet with us that week.
I saw Him do the biggest thing on Thursday night, both for me personally and for our community. Steven spoke on "Will you change the world even when it's hard?" He talked about the 3 walls that world changers always hit when they reach the point of wanting to quit.
The Walls:
In my past experiences with camp, conferences, or even missions trips it takes half the time to press in before anything really significant happens. Usually, stuff that's in the way has to be broken down or people's hearts have to be prepared before they're ready to let God enter in and and move among them.
Not this time.
We steeped in the life of Moses for the week, studying Exodus 3-4:20, Exodus 33, Numbers 11, and Joshua 5:10-6:20. The central question was: Will you change the world?
Aslan was one the move from the beginning. Before the end of the first full day of camp I was already having conversations with people who were telling me about what God was teaching them or calling them to. On Wednesday night we prayed together as a chapter for the NAU campus. I heard both upper and underclassmen pray big, bold, strong prayers for our campus. I coud feel God's presence in the room with us. I kept thinking, "If this is how it starts, what is gonna happen by the end?"
The weather that week was freezing and a couple times we got a layer of snow. Most days though camp was just covered in dense fog and mist. As we were studying Exodus, I couldn't help but think it was if God had come down in a pillar of cloud to meet with us that week.
I saw Him do the biggest thing on Thursday night, both for me personally and for our community. Steven spoke on "Will you change the world even when it's hard?" He talked about the 3 walls that world changers always hit when they reach the point of wanting to quit.
The Walls:
- Feeling the pull of the "good life" or "comfortable life" that you gave up.
- Feeling alone and abandoned.
- Feeling crushed by the burdens of the people you're leading or just the darkness of the world.
So my brain was exploding. Let me explain why. Even though this past had been the happiest one of my college life there had been a few days at the end (Fridays specifically) where I would feel anxious, sad, and lonely for no identifiable reason. But now, here was Steven articulating for me what I had been feeling! I had been anxious, sad, and lonely because I was facing the reality that I will hit these walls as I enter into the life of a world changer. I was so happy just to have an explanation for the crummy way I had been feeling!!
Then, Steven articulated the promises of HOPE that are attached to these walls when they come.
The Hope and Joy
- Perseverance is possible because God will always provide what you need.
- You will never be alone. God will go with you and He will always provide you with the people you need. You will always be led! (Isn't that crazy awesome!?)
- God will never abandon you to carry the burdens of the darkness of the world or the brokeness of people. The Holy Spirit will always give you the comfort you need and carry the burdens for you.
I couldn't believe it! God had given me the exact joy and hope I needed to step into the next stage of my life as a world changer!
Steven said that he was going to ask people to stand if they wanted to say yes to being a world changer even when it's hard. I was literally bouncing on the edge of my seat, eager to stand and say yes. However, I didn't expected more than half the room to stand. By this point in the week, and especially after that talk, we were understanding that saying yes to God meant laying your whole life on the altar. It's a yes that is almost as significant as becoming a Christian. I felt the only reason I was so ready to say yes was because God had been working on me for the past 4 years. But oh boy, did I under estimate was God was doing in that room.
Steven asks us to stand if we want to say yes and...
The whole room stood without hesitation.
Every single student stood up at the same moment that I did (the girl who was on the edge of her seat!).
I literally couldn't contain the joy inside me at that moment. And the joy just kept growing as I heard the stories from my own chapter of what they had said yes to and what God was calling them to. I want to remember that night forever as a holy moment. God is going to use the people that were in that room to do BIG CRAZY SCARY things for the Kingdom of Heaven. And I got to be there in the moment when they said yes.
Healing
I anticipated that God would do miracles at camp, but I never expected that I would get to be part of one.
The night before I was supposed to leave for Chapter Camp (Saturday night) I spent a lot of quality time with my toilet puking my guts out. I still don't know what I had; it must have been either food poisoning or some weird virus. Either way, I'm sure it was only compounded by the stress of the week I had just finished. After a bottle of Pepto-Bismol I stopped puking, but I was still feeling super sick. Thankfully, I was able to catch a late ride to camp the next day. I slept like a rock for almost the entire 12 hr. drive.
The first two days (Monday and Tuesday) I was still nauseous but able to participate as long as I slept all through free time and ate only granola bars. Tuesday night I finally got hungry enough to try eating dinner (even though the idea of food scared me). I felt like a million bucks after I ate and I thought it was finally over!
Next day, Wednesday, I ate breakfast. That turned out to be a big mistake. We do manuscript Bible study right after breakfast and during the study my stomach just locked up. It hurt like crazy, but logically I said to myself "This is the way it felt the first night. Just go throw up and you'll feel better." So I slipped off to my cabin to try that.
But I couldn't throw up and the pain got worse. I curled up on the foot of my bed. I couldn't really breathe or think. Something was wrong and I started to panic. I just started praying that someone would come find me.
Thankfully, Stacy Roome came to my rescue. I scared her to death though, poor thing. Neither of us knew what to do. The only thing that kept running through my mind was that I needed someone to pray for me and the only name that kept coming to mind was Jon Watson. So I told Stacy, go tell Jon Watson to come pray for me.
Jon came and asked what was wrong. He started praying that God would heal me. The panic and fear washed away and I felt at peace. I suddenly believed everything was going to be ok, even though the pain was still so strong.
I told Jon and he prayed for me again. He prayed all of the reasons why I needed to be better in order to be able to participate and serve at camp. And the pain went away. The pain stopped! It was gone!!
Jon and I both laughed out of relief and joy. Jon prayed one more time, praising God and asking that the intense nausea would stop and that I would be fully healed. When he finished I felt the same level of healthy that I had the day before. I just felt exhausted, as if I had played an entire soccer game.
I took it easy the rest of the day, but I ate dinner that night. Thursday and Friday I ate 3 meals and stayed awake all day. I haven't gotten sick since then.
Isn't that incredible?! It explodes my brain. God used my sickness and pain for His Glory and completely healed me when I was in trouble. I think He also used it to confirm to Jon that he has been given the spiritual gift of healing and that God is calling him to use it.
My God is mighty to save! Praise Him in the highest!
The night before I was supposed to leave for Chapter Camp (Saturday night) I spent a lot of quality time with my toilet puking my guts out. I still don't know what I had; it must have been either food poisoning or some weird virus. Either way, I'm sure it was only compounded by the stress of the week I had just finished. After a bottle of Pepto-Bismol I stopped puking, but I was still feeling super sick. Thankfully, I was able to catch a late ride to camp the next day. I slept like a rock for almost the entire 12 hr. drive.
The first two days (Monday and Tuesday) I was still nauseous but able to participate as long as I slept all through free time and ate only granola bars. Tuesday night I finally got hungry enough to try eating dinner (even though the idea of food scared me). I felt like a million bucks after I ate and I thought it was finally over!
Next day, Wednesday, I ate breakfast. That turned out to be a big mistake. We do manuscript Bible study right after breakfast and during the study my stomach just locked up. It hurt like crazy, but logically I said to myself "This is the way it felt the first night. Just go throw up and you'll feel better." So I slipped off to my cabin to try that.
But I couldn't throw up and the pain got worse. I curled up on the foot of my bed. I couldn't really breathe or think. Something was wrong and I started to panic. I just started praying that someone would come find me.
Thankfully, Stacy Roome came to my rescue. I scared her to death though, poor thing. Neither of us knew what to do. The only thing that kept running through my mind was that I needed someone to pray for me and the only name that kept coming to mind was Jon Watson. So I told Stacy, go tell Jon Watson to come pray for me.
Jon came and asked what was wrong. He started praying that God would heal me. The panic and fear washed away and I felt at peace. I suddenly believed everything was going to be ok, even though the pain was still so strong.
I told Jon and he prayed for me again. He prayed all of the reasons why I needed to be better in order to be able to participate and serve at camp. And the pain went away. The pain stopped! It was gone!!
Jon and I both laughed out of relief and joy. Jon prayed one more time, praising God and asking that the intense nausea would stop and that I would be fully healed. When he finished I felt the same level of healthy that I had the day before. I just felt exhausted, as if I had played an entire soccer game.
I took it easy the rest of the day, but I ate dinner that night. Thursday and Friday I ate 3 meals and stayed awake all day. I haven't gotten sick since then.
Isn't that incredible?! It explodes my brain. God used my sickness and pain for His Glory and completely healed me when I was in trouble. I think He also used it to confirm to Jon that he has been given the spiritual gift of healing and that God is calling him to use it.
My God is mighty to save! Praise Him in the highest!
Chapter Camp: Intro
I spent this past week at 9,000 ft. at Bear Trap Ranch in the breathtaking Colorado Rockies for Chapter Camp. It was a week of Scripture study and leadership training with half the Intervarsity chapters from the Rocky Mountain Region.
Now I had anticipated that God would do something awesome in this place and time. However, He moved in an even more AWESOME and HUGER way than I could ever have expected.
I wanted to record a few of the stories here, so I've broken them down into a few different posts. Enjoy!
Now I had anticipated that God would do something awesome in this place and time. However, He moved in an even more AWESOME and HUGER way than I could ever have expected.
I wanted to record a few of the stories here, so I've broken them down into a few different posts. Enjoy!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Sri Lanka and Me
Here is a poem I had to write for my ENG 400 class. Now, let me be clear, I am not a poet. However, I like what this is about and it's not nails-on-the-chalk-board-awful, so I would like to share it with you:
Sri Lanka and Me
I don’t realize that, of course,
It all had to come from somewhere,
An overwhelming thought.
Before they ever came to me,
These two legs
Traveled the world:
A vibrant mind translates to
Lead smudges and eraser shavings.
Artist strokes give them shape.
Raw hands gather fluffy living snow that
Doesn’t melt as the sun’s oven
Bakes earth, sweat, and song
Silver teeth flash
They lace a web around nimble fingers who
Know how to avoid the bite.
Bare feet replicate one motion
On the pedal to fashion a piece.
Each a source of life to the ones she treasures.
The bellies of planes, trains, and automobiles
Fill with heaps of denim.
Voices shout, ears follow, and directions flow.
Arms lift one pair to the shelf and I lift it off again.
All the threads meet as if by design.
I read made in Sri Lanka
But my eyes remain blind.
Sri Lanka and Me
I don’t realize that, of course,
It all had to come from somewhere,
An overwhelming thought.
Before they ever came to me,
These two legs
Traveled the world:
A vibrant mind translates to
Lead smudges and eraser shavings.
Artist strokes give them shape.
Raw hands gather fluffy living snow that
Doesn’t melt as the sun’s oven
Bakes earth, sweat, and song
Silver teeth flash
They lace a web around nimble fingers who
Know how to avoid the bite.
Bare feet replicate one motion
On the pedal to fashion a piece.
Each a source of life to the ones she treasures.
The bellies of planes, trains, and automobiles
Fill with heaps of denim.
Voices shout, ears follow, and directions flow.
Arms lift one pair to the shelf and I lift it off again.
All the threads meet as if by design.
I read made in Sri Lanka
But my eyes remain blind.
Slow burning coals...
I've had a lot to say lately but I've had zero time to say it!
I have a bit of stolen time today though, so I want to talk about something that's kicking around in my head today.
What does it mean to choose joy?
And how do we encourage one another to do so?
I think that joy is different than happiness. When you feel joy it's much more than happiness. It's strong, overflowing, passionate, and life giving. Sometimes that joy is a blazing hot bonfire and sometimes that joy is slow burning coals deep in the heart. But joy is so strong that it never truely dies. It's always there.
And joy is independent of circumstances. That is why joy, like love, is a choice. It is right to choose joy because joy reflects a belief in what is true. God is good and He loves us. God is strong and victorious. He is here and He is bringing us back to Him. These things are the true foundation of joy.
However, when my face is lying in the dirt and my heart has turned to jello, choosing joy seems impossible. When it's that bad nothing I can do or think can make me feel better. And that makes me feel angry and like I'm failing to choose joy. It also makes me feel guilty because I'm acting ungrateful for who God is. So if someone comes up to me and says "You just need to choose joy" it actually makes it worse. I just want to yell "I can't!"
In those hours of darkness though, God has gently led me to seek His face despite whether I feel like doing it or not. He leads me to pour my heart out to Him in prayer, to discover His promises in Scripture, to praise Him, to ask for what I need, to list things I am thankful for, to pour love into others, and to just get up in the morning and eat breakfast. I do all these things when I don't want to and when I don't feel like any of it is true or worth it. In those times feeling the joy has always taken a long time to come. But each time I have eventually been restored to the point of feeling the joy.
A friend of mine who is very wise about the nature of joy told me "Sometimes you have to do what's right and true until you feel it. Keep pressing in and then the feeling and understanding will come." That's what I think it means to choose joy. To do things that pursue joy and truth until the joy breaks through. This means I can choose to pursue joy in the midst of depression and eventually that joy will defeat the depression. Even if my circumstances are terrible, they don't have to change for joy to fill my life.
This is why I can say that, for me, college has been a time of immense suffering and a time of incredible joy.
So, I will continue to remain dependent on God, press in, and pursue joy even when I don't feel it. I will encourage others to follow the gentle lead of God and do the same. And it will bring breakthrough and victory! :)
I have a bit of stolen time today though, so I want to talk about something that's kicking around in my head today.
What does it mean to choose joy?
And how do we encourage one another to do so?
I think that joy is different than happiness. When you feel joy it's much more than happiness. It's strong, overflowing, passionate, and life giving. Sometimes that joy is a blazing hot bonfire and sometimes that joy is slow burning coals deep in the heart. But joy is so strong that it never truely dies. It's always there.
And joy is independent of circumstances. That is why joy, like love, is a choice. It is right to choose joy because joy reflects a belief in what is true. God is good and He loves us. God is strong and victorious. He is here and He is bringing us back to Him. These things are the true foundation of joy.
However, when my face is lying in the dirt and my heart has turned to jello, choosing joy seems impossible. When it's that bad nothing I can do or think can make me feel better. And that makes me feel angry and like I'm failing to choose joy. It also makes me feel guilty because I'm acting ungrateful for who God is. So if someone comes up to me and says "You just need to choose joy" it actually makes it worse. I just want to yell "I can't!"
In those hours of darkness though, God has gently led me to seek His face despite whether I feel like doing it or not. He leads me to pour my heart out to Him in prayer, to discover His promises in Scripture, to praise Him, to ask for what I need, to list things I am thankful for, to pour love into others, and to just get up in the morning and eat breakfast. I do all these things when I don't want to and when I don't feel like any of it is true or worth it. In those times feeling the joy has always taken a long time to come. But each time I have eventually been restored to the point of feeling the joy.
A friend of mine who is very wise about the nature of joy told me "Sometimes you have to do what's right and true until you feel it. Keep pressing in and then the feeling and understanding will come." That's what I think it means to choose joy. To do things that pursue joy and truth until the joy breaks through. This means I can choose to pursue joy in the midst of depression and eventually that joy will defeat the depression. Even if my circumstances are terrible, they don't have to change for joy to fill my life.
This is why I can say that, for me, college has been a time of immense suffering and a time of incredible joy.
So, I will continue to remain dependent on God, press in, and pursue joy even when I don't feel it. I will encourage others to follow the gentle lead of God and do the same. And it will bring breakthrough and victory! :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Well
The following is a story/response that I wrote last May at Chapter Camp. We were learning about the woman that Jesus meets at the well in John 4. I wrote this to try and put into words the place I was in then. When I ran across it in my old notebook last night I realized that it's something that is still really special to me right now. :)
The Well:
I knew I needed to make the long journey up this mountain. I had responsibilities and things to get done. I was tired and thirsty and heartbroken, but life couldn't stop just because I was tired. So, I came to the well to work and get done what I had to. I didn't expect Jesus to be there.
Today I met Jesus at a well. He was just sitting there waiting for me. He started talking to me. Why on Earth would Jesus talk to me? He started talking about life and sustenance. I said, "Oh, I could use some of that. I have nothing left to keep moving in this life." And how did He respond? He told me a story about another Rachel at a well.
Rachel met Jacob at a well. Jacob was traveling when she came to water her sheep. Rachel was so beautiful that he flung aside a heavy rock from the well, kissed her, wept, and arranged to marry her. He loved her.
And there I was, standing with Jesus at a well. He saw straight into my heart. He said, "You are burdened with sadness and anxiety. You feel lost and betrayed. But I know your past. I know what you want. You want to be chosen, loved, romanced, and called beautiful. I have come to this well to claim you as my own."
"You are beautiful. I am captivated by your beauty. I love you and I want to be with you! Yes, I know that you are a "Samaritan woman". You gave your heart away to someone other than me. But I didn't come for a perfect "Jewish" girl with a perfect pedigree. I came for you. I choose you."
"And my love, the water in my cup will complete you and heal you, if you will only come and drink from it. I want you to come and be the heroine of my story. I will restore you once again and we'll go on crazy adventures together. We'll go together!"
I met my true love today at a well. He told me everything I had ever done and then began to heal it within me. He's beginning to bring this darkness out of my heart by exposing it to His light and filling me with His living water.
Now I want to run from the well! I want to run with Him and proclaim this crazy love. You are loved by the God of the universe! Come to the water all who are thirsty and all who are weak. He brings life and forgiveness to all who will drink!
I came to the well and I drank. There I met my bridegroom. He chose me as his bride! Now we will run together over the hills and heights, always together, proclaiming the infinite depth and abundance of His love.
The Well:
I knew I needed to make the long journey up this mountain. I had responsibilities and things to get done. I was tired and thirsty and heartbroken, but life couldn't stop just because I was tired. So, I came to the well to work and get done what I had to. I didn't expect Jesus to be there.
Today I met Jesus at a well. He was just sitting there waiting for me. He started talking to me. Why on Earth would Jesus talk to me? He started talking about life and sustenance. I said, "Oh, I could use some of that. I have nothing left to keep moving in this life." And how did He respond? He told me a story about another Rachel at a well.
Rachel met Jacob at a well. Jacob was traveling when she came to water her sheep. Rachel was so beautiful that he flung aside a heavy rock from the well, kissed her, wept, and arranged to marry her. He loved her.
And there I was, standing with Jesus at a well. He saw straight into my heart. He said, "You are burdened with sadness and anxiety. You feel lost and betrayed. But I know your past. I know what you want. You want to be chosen, loved, romanced, and called beautiful. I have come to this well to claim you as my own."
"You are beautiful. I am captivated by your beauty. I love you and I want to be with you! Yes, I know that you are a "Samaritan woman". You gave your heart away to someone other than me. But I didn't come for a perfect "Jewish" girl with a perfect pedigree. I came for you. I choose you."
"And my love, the water in my cup will complete you and heal you, if you will only come and drink from it. I want you to come and be the heroine of my story. I will restore you once again and we'll go on crazy adventures together. We'll go together!"
I met my true love today at a well. He told me everything I had ever done and then began to heal it within me. He's beginning to bring this darkness out of my heart by exposing it to His light and filling me with His living water.
Now I want to run from the well! I want to run with Him and proclaim this crazy love. You are loved by the God of the universe! Come to the water all who are thirsty and all who are weak. He brings life and forgiveness to all who will drink!
I came to the well and I drank. There I met my bridegroom. He chose me as his bride! Now we will run together over the hills and heights, always together, proclaiming the infinite depth and abundance of His love.
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