Waiting

All summer I have been waiting. When I returned from Chapter Camp it was as if someone pushed start on a cosmic timer that started to click down towards the zero mark of everything I looked forward too. My dearest chum Kim left to do astrophysics research in Boston (sorry, Kim, if I described it incorrectly) for the whole summer. My roommate Emily left for Xi’an China, where I spent last summer, for 6 weeks. My good friend Jon left to Mozambique for the whole summer. David, the boy I’m totally crazy about, left to work at a summer camp in Illinois for…the whole summer. I just wanted them all to come back. Plus, student teaching was scheduled to begin at the end of August and I was (still am) waiting for information that will effect my future. I don’t think I have ever watched the calendar pages flip with such anticipation before.

The parts of the Bible that I read over the summer focused on this theme of waiting. I connected a lot with Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua and Caleb as they all had to wait to have God’s promises fulfilled in their lives. God promised Abraham that He would give him a family, but he wasn’t given a son until his old age. Abraham even tried to take things into his own hands because God was taking too long, but it was clear when Isaac arrived that he was all Abraham had hoped for. Isaac had to wait for his wife and 20 years for his children, but God gave him the same promise and fulfilled it. Jacob had to work 14 years to be able to marry Rachel, whom he loved. He also had to wait until his old age to receive back his beloved son, Joseph. Joseph had to wait through years of slavery in Egypt before God fulfilled the visions He gave him as a boy. Moses had to grow up in Egypt, live in exile as a shepherd in Midian, and then go through all the plagues in response to Pharaoh’s hard heart before God fulfilled His promise to use him to lead the Israelites into freedom. Joshua and Caleb had to wait their whole lives wandering aimlessly in the desert before they got to enter into the Promise Land that they had seen with their own eyes. I’ve only had to wait about 4 months! Compared to 20 years and whole lifetimes, that feels like nothing.

This pattern of waiting on God struck me as very significant. Why does He consistently do this with those He loves and has BIG plans for? I read in the book Scandalous this summer that “God demonstrates His love through delay.” If that makes perfect sense to you, please teach me! I did learn that waiting usually has the following two purposes:

It is a time of wooing…it develops intimacy and dependency between us and God. We draw closer to Him in these times because we desperately need Him to come through for us. In these times, He carries us close, the way a father carries his child. And, we have rebellious hearts and need to be drawn close in order to remember that God alone is God and that loving Him is the purpose of our lives. I also think that often God demonstrates His love to us by giving His promises to us “ahead of time”. That way, in the darkest moments we can anchor ourselves to the solid ground of His word. It also gives us an opportunity to demonstrate our love to Him when we say with trust “I know this will happen eventually, even though it looks impossible, because He said it would”. It tests and develops our relationship with Him, as between two lovers. The delay also ensures that God gets all the glory and credit when the waiting is over. It was only God’s favor, power, and grace that preserved the line of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua and Caleb. Through the thread of their story He continues to fulfill His word across their generations with enduring faithfulness.

It is a time of preparation…it makes us worthy and ready to receive the promise. Joseph and Moses needed to be prepared for unique positions of leadership. God chose Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to be the family, His own people, through whom He would reveal Himself to the rest of the world. He used those times of waiting in their lives to demonstrate His character and teach them who He is to make them able to carry the name of God. He was wrapping them up into something so much BIGGER than themselves, the very story of God! And He was bringing them into relationship with Him, that they might know God! They had to be ready to take good care of such a good and significant gift.

So, I’ve learned that God gives us times of waiting for a reason. We need to use the opportunities wisely. We also need to trust in His timing and hold tightly to God’s promises. They are the backbone of His story in our lives and He will be faithful to fulfill them.

Now that all the waiting is almost over, I’m really thankful that I’ve had this time. I’ve learned a ton, sorted through a lot of issues in my heart, and grown closer with Jesus. I feel more prepared to take good care of the gifts He has given me. His love for me, and His love for you, is lavish beyond measure. There is no better possible life than trusting Him and following His lead.

Do you see opportunity?

I’ve been pondering the word opportunity a lot lately.

It started at Urbana when the president of Intervarsity told the stories of some people who became Christians in college. They moved on to change the world in incredible ways, and each chose to follow Jesus because of one of their friends.

He said something to the effect of, “What you do for God in college may be the most important thing you ever do.”

This got me thinking. The people I know and interact with right now represent unique opportunities that I will never have again to change the world. My life could have an immense impact just through being someone’s friend and caring about them.

We studied the first 18 verses of James at Bible study. What kept standing out to me was that trials and difficult times are opportunities. They are an opportunity for us to stand firm for what is right, to grow in maturity to the point of lacking nothing, to fulfill our purposes, and to earn “the crown of life.” James sees these opportunities and it brings him joy.

Then the speaker at Intervarsity large group brought these two ideas together. He spoke from the parable of the unfruitful fig tree in Luke 13:6-9. He told a story of a guy named Keith. Think of the scariest college student you’ve ever met and this guy was like that. But the speaker and his friends poured their hopes, friendship, and work into Keith. They persevered through all the ups and downs and saw Keith’s life transformed!

After large group, someone trusted me and a couple friends enough to talk about the character of God and how he felt about life etc., even though we were all Christians and he wasn’t. He said he trusted us because of a time we all took a walk together to look at the stars. Can changing the world be as simple as talking a walk with someone to look at the stars?

I watched the movie The Soloist last night. The story centers on two very different men, each in their own kind of destitution. Through friendship, they essentially save each other’s lives.

When faced with a bad circumstance, a difficult person to love, deep suffering, or a hopeless situation I often focus on the darkness. In every day conversations and interactions I fail to consider their possibilities. What if instead, I looked for the opportunities?

Do you see the opportunity to love this person? To show someone Jesus? For change and transformation? To grow? For goodness and life to flourish?

I want to be able to say yes.

I see opportunity.

Hello Hurricane

I think the death of the doubter finally began today.

Yes!!

Thank you to my amazing friends who advocated for me, listened to my rants, believed in me, and let me cry. I owe you so much.

Today, purely out of grace (because I certainly didn't deserve it!), a stressful disagreement was resolved and I got to spend a couple hours with someone I love spending time with. I certainly didn't expect that!

I also realized today that my current state can best be defined by 50% of Switchfoot's album Hello Hurricane. Here are some samples:

"I am my own affliction. There aint no drug to make me well. I made a mess of me. Wanna get back to less of me."

"Your love is a symphony, all around me, runnin' to me. I've got my eyes wide open. [I will be] keeping my hopes unbroken."

"Don't let go. Don't give up hope. All is forgiven. All is not lost. Become who you are."

"Do you love me enough to let me go? To let me follow through? To let me fall for you?"

"There's a storm up ahead. Hello, hurricane. You're not enough. You can't silence my love."

"We rise and fall together. Our hearts still beat below. You can't stand by forever. You're a kid with a bullet soul. Are you ready to go?"

Ready to go?

Yes.

Doubting Thomas

Tonight I feel like the Nicklecreek song "Doubting Thomas"

This morning I was full of anticipation, excitement, and confidence about going back to school. Then it took on moment to utterly shatter that. In its place I now have anxiety, weariness, and fear.

Is my faith that fragile? How can I suddenly be filled with such doubt?

And then something else wonderful happens, but I become filled with doubts about that! Who knew it would be so difficult to be thankful? Why is it so hard for me to trust?

Now I think my faith in the promises I've been given has deep roots. It's alive down there somewhere. I'm half writing this to prove myself an idiot when everything works out fine tomorrow.

Hopefully by tomorrow (or at least soon) I'll look back at this and say "Rachel, what an idiot you were to doubt."

Hopefully.

Til then, it's goodnight from Doubting Thomas.