Many of you might be wondering why I just signed up for Twitter or at least why it’s such a big deal that I did. Well, here’s how it happened:
THE BACKSTORY:
For the past year my best friends Kim and Chris have been scheming to try and get me on Twitter. It started when Kim, who was my roommate, started tweeting ridiculous things that I would do. Chris, who follows her, would then make fun of me randomly for these things which he should have no knowledge of. Kim wouldn’t tell me what she would tweet unless I would get a Twitter to see for myself. So it basically became a game of Kim-and-Chris-try-to-drive-Rachel-crazy vs. Rachel-on-principle-stubbornly-refuses-to-let-them. Over this past year they have tried EVERYTHING to convince me to give in and get a Twitter. And I haven’t budged an inch…until today.
STAGE 1: RACHEL EPICALLY WINS
It started quite well for me at work this morning. Chris and I walked over to the dispatch area of our office. Chris put a work order in one of the maintenance guy’s folders and then turned around and full on ran into a table of walkie talkies. It was slap stick level clumsy. And he did it right in front of me. *evil laughter*
I busted up laughing so hard at him that I was crying and couldn’t breathe. I was definitely making fun of him for this one and he had no defense. It was a true WIN however when we returned to a previous conversation and Chris tried to scheme to get me to put up the hideous Christmas decoration. I just whipped back with “Chris I can’t put up the Christmas decorations because they’ll be too hazardous. You’ll probably just run into all of them.” And Chris just looked at me in shock and said “Well done.” He even tried to make fun of me for the fact that I say query incorrectly. I just smirked and said “Wow, that’s really all you got?” He said, “I’m hanging on by a thread here!” Yes. I win, I win, I win!
STAGE 2: RACHEL ACKNOWLEDGES HER TEMPORARY STATUS AS WINNER
Through my tears of laughter I told Chris “I know you’re going to get me back so good and ruin my life tomorrow. But that’s ok. It’s totally worth it. I’m just going to enjoy this for now.”
I definitely fully exercised by bragging rights. I mean I don’t win very often! Just read about the dirty cookie!
As we were walking out after work I smirked and said “Well, Chris. Today I have enjoyed being the winner. Tomorrow, I will return to being a loser, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my day as a winner.”
This is the point where I should have known better. I should have known that Chris would never let me off with a WHOLE DAY as the winner, especially not so easily. But I still didn’t see it coming.
STAGE 3: CHRIS HOLDS TARPOO HOSTAGE, NEGOTIATIONS
I meander in the nice Flagstaff weather back to my apartment. However, when I arrive at my landing who do I find there but Mr. Chris Huston. “What are you doing here?” I say. “Have a seat” he says.
Chris proceeds to play the perfect (though not stone hearted) part of the villain. He stands there with a smirk on his face in his sunglasses. He implies that he has (with some unnamed help) kidnapped Tarpoo, my stuffed animal seal. If you don’t know, Tarpoo is my one prized possession. I’ve had this stuffed animal since I was born and I sleep with him every night. Chris had found my one weakness.
He then proceeded to up the stakes by telling me that if I didn’t come up with my own acceptable terms or agree to his that he wouldn’t give Tarpoo back until at least Monday. I have to get my wisdom teeth out on Friday and I’m going to need Tarpoo! That was cruel and unacceptable. Then he added that if I was too difficult he would ship Tarpoo to a certain Mr. Jon Watson in Mozambique who hates hates hates Tarpoo. Jon would probably give Tarpoo to an adorable African child and I would never see him again!! Immediately I had this pit of helpless despair in my stomach and that feeling you get after losing a soccer match.
STAGE 4: THE TERMS, GET A TWITTER
Chris then offered that if I would eat saur kraut (from a more recent World Cup rivalry between us) and sign up for a Twitter then he would give me Tarpoo back immediately. That would be losing two rivalries just for the price of getting Tarpoo back right away. Utterly humiliating! Plus, I knew he had to be bluffing in some capacity, I just couldn’t figure out how much. I simply couldn’t risk him keeping or shipping off Tarpoo. However, my theory was if I could call his bluff just a little bit I could buy myself some time. I refused his terms and told him to leave.
Sure enough, as he was about to go down the steps he turned again and reduced the terms. I could choose death by shark or monkeys: eat a ton of saur kraut or sign up for a Twitter. I pondered this carefully. The Twitter rivalry has been going on for a long time and I’ve been trying to think of a way to end it well. I would have preferred for it to end well with ME winning, but this was also a good ending. Chris had defeated me soundly with his evil genius ways. I did a quick check to make sure Tarpoo was actually missing. Then I concede to the terms of signing up for Twitter.
STAGE 5: RACHEL EPICALLY LOSES, CREATES @ROLLEFSTAD
I sat down with Chris and I created a Twitter account as @Rollefstad. He had a big ole grin on his face as he took photographic evidence. I then publically announced by defeat (part of the terms) by posting it in my Facebook status. I’m sure this made Kim’s day, haha. I am now required to keep my Twitter permanently.
And Chris is a man of his word. He led me upstairs to our storage closet where Tarpoo was buried. As I held Tarpoo safe in my arms I knew that it was worth the price I had paid to get him back.
Congratulations, Chris and Kim. Well done. However, due to my win within the same 24 hour period, Chris did concede to me that today ended in a tie. *big grin* I feel I maintain some dignity with that conclusion and I am content.
I still haven’t decided what to do with my Twitter yet. I’ll have to get over the sting of defeat first. Then I might proceed to have some fun with it. Stay tuned I guess. Haha.
Showing posts with label Summer Job Saga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Summer Job Saga. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Dirty Cookie and The Evil Stapler
Now that I'm back at work the hilarity of Capital Assets has resumed:
The Dirty Cookie:
Sometimes I seriously feel like I'm living in an “Office” episode. For example, last Wednesday Capital Assets experienced the equivalent of "Free Pretzel Day", only with barbeque food. Everyone spent the whole week looking forward to it and when the time finally came people fiercely guarded their places in line.
The best part of the food was the cookies. I was in line with Chris and he got one chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips and I got two of the exact same kind. As we walked back to the office Chris dropped his cookie on the hallway floor. Now this hallway is where all the trades guys track through during the day, so this cookie was a gonner. But Chris picked it up anyways.
So Chris and I were sitting at our desks an hour or so later. Chris stared at his cookie.
I asked, "Are you deciding whether to eat it or not?"
Chris says, "No, I'm deciding whether to throw it away or give it to someone I don’t like.”
“Who do you dislike enough that works here to give that disgusting cookie?”
“You.”
“Oh, ok. Well, I saw you drop the cookie ya know. So, I’m really curious how you are going to try and convince me to eat it.”
I should have been on my guard at this point. He’d already admitted that he had targeted me. But I wasn’t. Chris stands up, picks up his cookie, picks up my two identical cookies, and then puts them behind his back! He possibly mixes them around a bit and them sets all three cookies back on my desk. He just smirks and returns to his desk.
I was shocked! Now I didn’t know which one was the dirty cookie! It was a genius scheme that ranked up there with the Pepper and Ice Cream Scheme of St. Louis ‘10 and I walked right into it!
I decided that I had only two options: I could throw all the cookies away (tragedy!) or I could eat all the cookies (disgusting, but would get Chris back by making him feel bad). Thankfully, Chris offered to reveal the identity of the dirty cookie for a price. He had decided that he really wanted to eat one, so if I let him eat one of the clean cookies he’d tell me which one was the dirty one. I cut my losses and agreed. He walked over and just picked up a cookie and ate it! Ah!! I still didn’t know which one was the dirty cookie! He got me again!
After I fumed about this for awhile, Chris said to me in a very serious voice, “Rachel, after all that we’ve been through in our friendship, do you trust me?”
“Yes Chris, even though you steal and mess up my cookies I still trust you.”
“Ok. Well, I ate the dirty cookie.”
“What?! Why did you do that?”
I couldn’t believe he actually ate it! Well, actually I did believe him because I ate the other two (hopefully) clean cookies. He still tried to make me question this decision, but I still feel confident that he would have felt too bad if he had so thoroughly tricked me into actually eating the dirty cookie. Either way, it was one of the best schemes that has ever been played against me.
The Evil Stapler:
Chris and I have a lot of conversations about the technology in our office, which all has a habit of breaking. He knows a lot about such things so it’s usually him instructing me. Here are a few paraphrased transcripts:
Chris: “Oh, to be a printer. What a hard life that would be.”
Me: *Laughter*
Chris: “Rachel, have a little compassion.”
Me: “Please tell the scanner, copier, and printer I’m sorry. I don’t mean to belittle their experience. I just like dark humor.”
Chris: “I’ll tell them like R2D2 [using a technology interface language (sorry Chris if I explained that wrong)]. beep, beep, boop, boop” *hand gestures to accompany sound effects* “They all say they forgive you, except for the scanner.”
Rachel: “What?! That’s probably the one that I’m the nicest to.”
Chris: “Well, you just ruined that relationship didn’t you. Actually, he says he’s jealous of all the backrubs the printer gets.”
(I commonly rub the printer and speak nicely to it in order to try and prevent it from jamming. It usually works.)
Today was definitely my favorite though. We got a new electric stapler…
Chris: “Rachel! The new stapler is evil!! It has red eyes and red teeth!!” *uses fingers to create Monty-Python-rabbit-style-fangs* “It’s going to come and staple our toes!! Wherever you go the eyes follow you. We need to unite against this crisis. It’s going to get the printer and soon the phones on its side! The other staplers can be warriors against them!”
Chris then bravely stole the stapler schematics from the back copier area. I gave him a high five for this and he proceeded to research for a weakness. I agreed to join his alliance. We also tried to get another student, Whitney, to join our alliance but she seemed hesitant. I think she’ll come around when the evil stapler crisis gets worse.
Hehe, this is why Chris and I are friends. :D
The Dirty Cookie:
Sometimes I seriously feel like I'm living in an “Office” episode. For example, last Wednesday Capital Assets experienced the equivalent of "Free Pretzel Day", only with barbeque food. Everyone spent the whole week looking forward to it and when the time finally came people fiercely guarded their places in line.
The best part of the food was the cookies. I was in line with Chris and he got one chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips and I got two of the exact same kind. As we walked back to the office Chris dropped his cookie on the hallway floor. Now this hallway is where all the trades guys track through during the day, so this cookie was a gonner. But Chris picked it up anyways.
So Chris and I were sitting at our desks an hour or so later. Chris stared at his cookie.
I asked, "Are you deciding whether to eat it or not?"
Chris says, "No, I'm deciding whether to throw it away or give it to someone I don’t like.”
“Who do you dislike enough that works here to give that disgusting cookie?”
“You.”
“Oh, ok. Well, I saw you drop the cookie ya know. So, I’m really curious how you are going to try and convince me to eat it.”
I should have been on my guard at this point. He’d already admitted that he had targeted me. But I wasn’t. Chris stands up, picks up his cookie, picks up my two identical cookies, and then puts them behind his back! He possibly mixes them around a bit and them sets all three cookies back on my desk. He just smirks and returns to his desk.
I was shocked! Now I didn’t know which one was the dirty cookie! It was a genius scheme that ranked up there with the Pepper and Ice Cream Scheme of St. Louis ‘10 and I walked right into it!
I decided that I had only two options: I could throw all the cookies away (tragedy!) or I could eat all the cookies (disgusting, but would get Chris back by making him feel bad). Thankfully, Chris offered to reveal the identity of the dirty cookie for a price. He had decided that he really wanted to eat one, so if I let him eat one of the clean cookies he’d tell me which one was the dirty one. I cut my losses and agreed. He walked over and just picked up a cookie and ate it! Ah!! I still didn’t know which one was the dirty cookie! He got me again!
After I fumed about this for awhile, Chris said to me in a very serious voice, “Rachel, after all that we’ve been through in our friendship, do you trust me?”
“Yes Chris, even though you steal and mess up my cookies I still trust you.”
“Ok. Well, I ate the dirty cookie.”
“What?! Why did you do that?”
I couldn’t believe he actually ate it! Well, actually I did believe him because I ate the other two (hopefully) clean cookies. He still tried to make me question this decision, but I still feel confident that he would have felt too bad if he had so thoroughly tricked me into actually eating the dirty cookie. Either way, it was one of the best schemes that has ever been played against me.
The Evil Stapler:
Chris and I have a lot of conversations about the technology in our office, which all has a habit of breaking. He knows a lot about such things so it’s usually him instructing me. Here are a few paraphrased transcripts:
Chris: “Oh, to be a printer. What a hard life that would be.”
Me: *Laughter*
Chris: “Rachel, have a little compassion.”
Me: “Please tell the scanner, copier, and printer I’m sorry. I don’t mean to belittle their experience. I just like dark humor.”
Chris: “I’ll tell them like R2D2 [using a technology interface language (sorry Chris if I explained that wrong)]. beep, beep, boop, boop” *hand gestures to accompany sound effects* “They all say they forgive you, except for the scanner.”
Rachel: “What?! That’s probably the one that I’m the nicest to.”
Chris: “Well, you just ruined that relationship didn’t you. Actually, he says he’s jealous of all the backrubs the printer gets.”
(I commonly rub the printer and speak nicely to it in order to try and prevent it from jamming. It usually works.)
Today was definitely my favorite though. We got a new electric stapler…
Chris: “Rachel! The new stapler is evil!! It has red eyes and red teeth!!” *uses fingers to create Monty-Python-rabbit-style-fangs* “It’s going to come and staple our toes!! Wherever you go the eyes follow you. We need to unite against this crisis. It’s going to get the printer and soon the phones on its side! The other staplers can be warriors against them!”
Chris then bravely stole the stapler schematics from the back copier area. I gave him a high five for this and he proceeded to research for a weakness. I agreed to join his alliance. We also tried to get another student, Whitney, to join our alliance but she seemed hesitant. I think she’ll come around when the evil stapler crisis gets worse.
Hehe, this is why Chris and I are friends. :D
Monday, May 31, 2010
Pen Thieves, Marriage, Ritz Crackers, and Funny Faces
The majority of this summer I will be working in the Capital Assets office at NAU. I've been doing this job during school since I was a freshmen, so I know the ropes. However, while I am incredibly thankful for it, it can be mind numbingly boring. Answering phones, data entry, filing...all...day...long.
Things are looking up though because one of my best friends, Mr. Chris Huston, has started to work there for the summer as well. In just one week, I'm pretty sure I've laughed 'til I cried every single day.
Here are a few of the tales that I already have. I'm sure there will be plenty more where these came from.
Pen Thief: So one of the many jokes that Chris and I banter back and forth about is that he is a pen finder and I am a pen loser. I will explain this more another time, but essentially it means just that. Everywhere he goes he finds pens lying around and keeps them. Everywhere I go my pens disappear into thin air the way your socks do in the dryer. I always try to tease Chris that he is in fact a pen thief, but I've never really had sufficient ammunition until the other day.
Chris and I were walking out to the parking lot after work and he realized that he still had an office pen behind his ear! He had stolen it! "Pen thief! Pen thief!" I accused over and over. He then proceeded to threaten to stab me with the pen in order to silence me. I pointed out that it would be super ironic if I (a pen loser) died (the ultimate loss) by a pen. He also tried to trick me and Jenny Charvoz into taking the pen off his hands. No way was I going to become an accessory to his crime! We then made a deal that if he returned the pen the next day his slate would be clean and he would not be a pen thief.
He did return the pen the next day. However, he did end up participating in some rather "sketch" actions. I'm concerned that his pen thievery was just a gateway to worse behavior... ;)
Marriage: Friday I came into work wearing my brown Intervarsity shirt. I panicked for a moment when I walked in and noticed that Chris was wearing a shirt in a similar shade of brown. *sigh of relief* It wasn't the same one. However, Chris says "Woah, Rachel. I almost wore that same shirt today!" Weird.
Later, Chris and I are sitting at the front two desks and one of the carpenters asks us to make a purchase slip for him. Since Chris is new to this, I slide my chair over to help him. As we are working the carpenter says, "Hey are you two married to each other? I just noticed your rings." Chris has his actual wedding ring on, but all I'm wearing is a purity ring (though, granted it's on my left hand). Chris and I manage to remain calm and simply reply "No" and finish his purchase slip.
As soon as he's gone we look at each other and burst out laughing. "That was so awkward!!" Eventually we calm down, but a few minutes later Chris looks at me and says "What if we had been wearing the same shirt?? How incredibly awkward would that have been?!" Then we both completely cracked up again. Oh dear.
I think I'm going to have to wear my purity ring on my right hand now at work because this is the 3rd time I've had to awkwardly explain to people there that I'm not married. Or I could just see what crazy story happens next. :)
Ritz Crackers: One afternoon Chris was making small talk about how much he loves Ritz crackers. He said that they are his comfort food and he could eat a whole sleeve at once. I don't blame him, they are amazing. :)
Then he starts talking about how he had this one friend who made these desserts once with Ritz crackers...and peanut butter...and they were sooo good. But he couldn't remember who made them. I get a wicked grin on my face and ask "Did they have peanut butter in the middle?" "Yeah!" "And where they dipped in chocolate?" "Yeah, who made those? I bet it was Emily. It was Emily, right?" At this point all I can do is laugh and point at myself. Chris just says "What?"
"Me! It was me! I made the cookies!" I blurted out between laughing. Chris was like, "When?" "For your Super Bowl party" I responded. I still couldn't stop laughing.
Finally, Chris says "Rachel, it's not that funny." Then I remind him of a conversation we'd had about a month before about those same cookies. In that conversation, he didn't remember the cookies at all. In fact, I'd tried to explain them a few different ways and he still didn't remember them!! And now here he was blathering about how good they were to me and he doesn't even remember that I was the one who made them. Hilarious!
This best part though was he gets this look of recognition and embarassment on his face and says "Oh, yeah...I remember that conversation." Ha! Priceless. :D
The Face: So this story is harder to tell, because obviously you'd have to see the face for yourself. I think it's still worth a shot.
At the end of the day on Monday I was explaining to Chris and the other new student worker how to do their daily time sheets. It's pretty straight forward, but as I finish I look over at Chris and he has this incredibly exaggerated look of confusion and incredulation. It looked like a cartoon character trying to express "What?! You're kidding me. We have to do it this way? That's so tedious and weird that I'm insulted." I assumed that Chris was doing this to make fun of me, but it was literally the funniest face I've ever seen him make so I busted up laughing.
Chris changes his face to just plain confusion and says "Why are you laughing?" In between gasps of laughter I manage "Your face was priceless." Chris' responds with "What face?"
Now I'm pretty good at telling when Chris is joking and when he's dead serious, and at this moment he was dead serious. He didn't mean to make that face at all. So now I can't breathe and I'm wiping tears from my eyes because I'm laughing so hard.
Chris tries to defend himself by saying "I wasn't making a weird face!" And I say, "You wouldn't know, you weren't the one that saw it." He says "Well it was my face and I'm pretty sure I know what my own face does." My response. "Well obviously you don't because I saw it and it was ridiculous! So don't be salty." Haha, point for Rachel!! :)
So there ya go, tune in next time for more ridiculous stories from Capital Assets. :P
Things are looking up though because one of my best friends, Mr. Chris Huston, has started to work there for the summer as well. In just one week, I'm pretty sure I've laughed 'til I cried every single day.
Here are a few of the tales that I already have. I'm sure there will be plenty more where these came from.
Pen Thief: So one of the many jokes that Chris and I banter back and forth about is that he is a pen finder and I am a pen loser. I will explain this more another time, but essentially it means just that. Everywhere he goes he finds pens lying around and keeps them. Everywhere I go my pens disappear into thin air the way your socks do in the dryer. I always try to tease Chris that he is in fact a pen thief, but I've never really had sufficient ammunition until the other day.
Chris and I were walking out to the parking lot after work and he realized that he still had an office pen behind his ear! He had stolen it! "Pen thief! Pen thief!" I accused over and over. He then proceeded to threaten to stab me with the pen in order to silence me. I pointed out that it would be super ironic if I (a pen loser) died (the ultimate loss) by a pen. He also tried to trick me and Jenny Charvoz into taking the pen off his hands. No way was I going to become an accessory to his crime! We then made a deal that if he returned the pen the next day his slate would be clean and he would not be a pen thief.
He did return the pen the next day. However, he did end up participating in some rather "sketch" actions. I'm concerned that his pen thievery was just a gateway to worse behavior... ;)
Marriage: Friday I came into work wearing my brown Intervarsity shirt. I panicked for a moment when I walked in and noticed that Chris was wearing a shirt in a similar shade of brown. *sigh of relief* It wasn't the same one. However, Chris says "Woah, Rachel. I almost wore that same shirt today!" Weird.
Later, Chris and I are sitting at the front two desks and one of the carpenters asks us to make a purchase slip for him. Since Chris is new to this, I slide my chair over to help him. As we are working the carpenter says, "Hey are you two married to each other? I just noticed your rings." Chris has his actual wedding ring on, but all I'm wearing is a purity ring (though, granted it's on my left hand). Chris and I manage to remain calm and simply reply "No" and finish his purchase slip.
As soon as he's gone we look at each other and burst out laughing. "That was so awkward!!" Eventually we calm down, but a few minutes later Chris looks at me and says "What if we had been wearing the same shirt?? How incredibly awkward would that have been?!" Then we both completely cracked up again. Oh dear.
I think I'm going to have to wear my purity ring on my right hand now at work because this is the 3rd time I've had to awkwardly explain to people there that I'm not married. Or I could just see what crazy story happens next. :)
Ritz Crackers: One afternoon Chris was making small talk about how much he loves Ritz crackers. He said that they are his comfort food and he could eat a whole sleeve at once. I don't blame him, they are amazing. :)
Then he starts talking about how he had this one friend who made these desserts once with Ritz crackers...and peanut butter...and they were sooo good. But he couldn't remember who made them. I get a wicked grin on my face and ask "Did they have peanut butter in the middle?" "Yeah!" "And where they dipped in chocolate?" "Yeah, who made those? I bet it was Emily. It was Emily, right?" At this point all I can do is laugh and point at myself. Chris just says "What?"
"Me! It was me! I made the cookies!" I blurted out between laughing. Chris was like, "When?" "For your Super Bowl party" I responded. I still couldn't stop laughing.
Finally, Chris says "Rachel, it's not that funny." Then I remind him of a conversation we'd had about a month before about those same cookies. In that conversation, he didn't remember the cookies at all. In fact, I'd tried to explain them a few different ways and he still didn't remember them!! And now here he was blathering about how good they were to me and he doesn't even remember that I was the one who made them. Hilarious!
This best part though was he gets this look of recognition and embarassment on his face and says "Oh, yeah...I remember that conversation." Ha! Priceless. :D
The Face: So this story is harder to tell, because obviously you'd have to see the face for yourself. I think it's still worth a shot.
At the end of the day on Monday I was explaining to Chris and the other new student worker how to do their daily time sheets. It's pretty straight forward, but as I finish I look over at Chris and he has this incredibly exaggerated look of confusion and incredulation. It looked like a cartoon character trying to express "What?! You're kidding me. We have to do it this way? That's so tedious and weird that I'm insulted." I assumed that Chris was doing this to make fun of me, but it was literally the funniest face I've ever seen him make so I busted up laughing.
Chris changes his face to just plain confusion and says "Why are you laughing?" In between gasps of laughter I manage "Your face was priceless." Chris' responds with "What face?"
Now I'm pretty good at telling when Chris is joking and when he's dead serious, and at this moment he was dead serious. He didn't mean to make that face at all. So now I can't breathe and I'm wiping tears from my eyes because I'm laughing so hard.
Chris tries to defend himself by saying "I wasn't making a weird face!" And I say, "You wouldn't know, you weren't the one that saw it." He says "Well it was my face and I'm pretty sure I know what my own face does." My response. "Well obviously you don't because I saw it and it was ridiculous! So don't be salty." Haha, point for Rachel!! :)
So there ya go, tune in next time for more ridiculous stories from Capital Assets. :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
