The Twitter Story

Many of you might be wondering why I just signed up for Twitter or at least why it’s such a big deal that I did. Well, here’s how it happened:

THE BACKSTORY:

For the past year my best friends Kim and Chris have been scheming to try and get me on Twitter. It started when Kim, who was my roommate, started tweeting ridiculous things that I would do. Chris, who follows her, would then make fun of me randomly for these things which he should have no knowledge of. Kim wouldn’t tell me what she would tweet unless I would get a Twitter to see for myself. So it basically became a game of Kim-and-Chris-try-to-drive-Rachel-crazy vs. Rachel-on-principle-stubbornly-refuses-to-let-them. Over this past year they have tried EVERYTHING to convince me to give in and get a Twitter. And I haven’t budged an inch…until today.

STAGE 1: RACHEL EPICALLY WINS

It started quite well for me at work this morning. Chris and I walked over to the dispatch area of our office. Chris put a work order in one of the maintenance guy’s folders and then turned around and full on ran into a table of walkie talkies. It was slap stick level clumsy. And he did it right in front of me. *evil laughter*

I busted up laughing so hard at him that I was crying and couldn’t breathe. I was definitely making fun of him for this one and he had no defense. It was a true WIN however when we returned to a previous conversation and Chris tried to scheme to get me to put up the hideous Christmas decoration. I just whipped back with “Chris I can’t put up the Christmas decorations because they’ll be too hazardous. You’ll probably just run into all of them.” And Chris just looked at me in shock and said “Well done.” He even tried to make fun of me for the fact that I say query incorrectly. I just smirked and said “Wow, that’s really all you got?” He said, “I’m hanging on by a thread here!” Yes. I win, I win, I win!

STAGE 2: RACHEL ACKNOWLEDGES HER TEMPORARY STATUS AS WINNER

Through my tears of laughter I told Chris “I know you’re going to get me back so good and ruin my life tomorrow. But that’s ok. It’s totally worth it. I’m just going to enjoy this for now.”
I definitely fully exercised by bragging rights. I mean I don’t win very often! Just read about the dirty cookie!

As we were walking out after work I smirked and said “Well, Chris. Today I have enjoyed being the winner. Tomorrow, I will return to being a loser, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my day as a winner.”

This is the point where I should have known better. I should have known that Chris would never let me off with a WHOLE DAY as the winner, especially not so easily. But I still didn’t see it coming.


STAGE 3: CHRIS HOLDS TARPOO HOSTAGE, NEGOTIATIONS

I meander in the nice Flagstaff weather back to my apartment. However, when I arrive at my landing who do I find there but Mr. Chris Huston. “What are you doing here?” I say. “Have a seat” he says.

Chris proceeds to play the perfect (though not stone hearted) part of the villain. He stands there with a smirk on his face in his sunglasses. He implies that he has (with some unnamed help) kidnapped Tarpoo, my stuffed animal seal. If you don’t know, Tarpoo is my one prized possession. I’ve had this stuffed animal since I was born and I sleep with him every night. Chris had found my one weakness.

He then proceeded to up the stakes by telling me that if I didn’t come up with my own acceptable terms or agree to his that he wouldn’t give Tarpoo back until at least Monday. I have to get my wisdom teeth out on Friday and I’m going to need Tarpoo! That was cruel and unacceptable. Then he added that if I was too difficult he would ship Tarpoo to a certain Mr. Jon Watson in Mozambique who hates hates hates Tarpoo. Jon would probably give Tarpoo to an adorable African child and I would never see him again!! Immediately I had this pit of helpless despair in my stomach and that feeling you get after losing a soccer match.

STAGE 4: THE TERMS, GET A TWITTER

Chris then offered that if I would eat saur kraut (from a more recent World Cup rivalry between us) and sign up for a Twitter then he would give me Tarpoo back immediately. That would be losing two rivalries just for the price of getting Tarpoo back right away. Utterly humiliating! Plus, I knew he had to be bluffing in some capacity, I just couldn’t figure out how much. I simply couldn’t risk him keeping or shipping off Tarpoo. However, my theory was if I could call his bluff just a little bit I could buy myself some time. I refused his terms and told him to leave.

Sure enough, as he was about to go down the steps he turned again and reduced the terms. I could choose death by shark or monkeys: eat a ton of saur kraut or sign up for a Twitter. I pondered this carefully. The Twitter rivalry has been going on for a long time and I’ve been trying to think of a way to end it well. I would have preferred for it to end well with ME winning, but this was also a good ending. Chris had defeated me soundly with his evil genius ways. I did a quick check to make sure Tarpoo was actually missing. Then I concede to the terms of signing up for Twitter.

STAGE 5: RACHEL EPICALLY LOSES, CREATES @ROLLEFSTAD

I sat down with Chris and I created a Twitter account as @Rollefstad. He had a big ole grin on his face as he took photographic evidence. I then publically announced by defeat (part of the terms) by posting it in my Facebook status. I’m sure this made Kim’s day, haha. I am now required to keep my Twitter permanently.

And Chris is a man of his word. He led me upstairs to our storage closet where Tarpoo was buried. As I held Tarpoo safe in my arms I knew that it was worth the price I had paid to get him back.

Congratulations, Chris and Kim. Well done. However, due to my win within the same 24 hour period, Chris did concede to me that today ended in a tie. *big grin* I feel I maintain some dignity with that conclusion and I am content.

I still haven’t decided what to do with my Twitter yet. I’ll have to get over the sting of defeat first. Then I might proceed to have some fun with it. Stay tuned I guess. Haha.